Five Tips on How to do Online Dating like a Digital Marketer

After coming out of a long-term relationship, I very cautiously signed up for Bumble, Tinder and OkCupid. Online dating is a bit of a strange world when you start and I really wasn’t having success in matching, getting quality conversations, phone numbers, dates, etc. However, I realized something: I’m a digital marketer and I should be good at this.

So I applied the lens of digital marketing and it was like a 180. I was matching with people I wanted to match with, having good conversations and something very strange happened- people were proactively giving me their numbers instead of me asking. This was a good measure of success and a good Key Performance Indicator (KPI) to keep.

So let me show you what I learned and did differently. We are going to go backwards and reverse of the marketing funnel. I usually do this because it helps me have more clarity when developing marketing strategy plans.

#1 Understand your Conversion Goal

In marketing, you’ll hear a common term called a “conversion”. This really means what is your goal. For instance, if you’re Amazon, your “conversion” with a Product Listing Ad (PLA- these are the photos of the item if you search for an item on Google) is to get someone to not only click it, but also to buy the item. However, if you’re Disney running a Superbowl ad for a new Marvel movie, your conversion isn’t for people to buy tickets right away, but more about awareness that the movie will come out later that year.

When it comes to online dating, you really need to think about what is your goal/conversion. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but it lists some common conversion goals:

· Matching with as many people as possible

· Having as many conversations as possible

· Having high quality conversations

· Getting phone numbers and moving to text/phone calls

· Getting a date

· Having sex

· Short-Term dating/ Hooking up

· Long-Term dating/ Marriage

Be honest with yourself. Whatever your answer is, it’s okay. Maybe you’re not ready to go on a date again or don’t feel comfortable given COVID. Maybe you thought you were ready to date and just want friendship. Maybe you are tired of games and want to find “the one”. Whatever your answer, know what you’re looking for so you can now develop your marketing plan.

Personal Story:

I was coming off a 6 year marriage and I felt so odd to be dating again. While the idea of sex is very tempting, I realized I wasn’t ready yet. So at first, my conversion was to have as many conversations as possible. It was just therapy for me. As I felt more and more comfortable, the conversion became to get phone numbers to transition to text instead of dating apps and to ultimately meet up for a first date. Not looking for marriage right away. Not even sure if looking to be in a relationship, but by understanding my conversion goals at different points in time I was able to play the game differently to do what felt right for me at the time.

#2 Valuing others and yourself via LTV/ CAC x Contribution Margin

Warning: this one will be a bit technical for the non-marketers. Here’s a 101 of those weird terms:

· LTV: Life-time Value

· CAC: Cost of Acquisition

· Contribution Margin: How much you get to pocket

For example, I own an MMA gym (Chicago School of Grappling) and here are my numbers. An average student signs up with us for $130/mo and lasts about 5 months. That’s means the average LTV per student is $650 ($130 x 5).

Sounds great right? Well it all depends. If it costs me $700 to get a student to sign up then $650 sucks. Even if it costs me $200 to get a student to sign up, that is still too much and this metric sucks.

For us, our average CAC is $12. This means it costs me $12 in ads and other tactics to get the average student to sign up (remember we are talking averages). So now my LTV/CAC is $650/$12 which equals 54. This means, on average, when I spend $12 to get someone to sign up, I will make 54 times that back. However, we are missing the last metric: contribution margin. This is basically net profit margin and how much you actually get to pocket or keep in the bank. For the gym, ours is 25%. So now that 54 x 25% = 13. So now my LTV/CAC x Contribution is 13 which means, on average, if I spend $2 to get someone to sign up, they will give me $650 in revenue, but only 25% of that is profit. A good number is 4 so the fact that I’m at 13 is really good because it means I’m pretty efficient.

So why does this matter for dating? Well if I thought I could land a $1M contract vs a $1,000 contract, I’m going to spend more money, time and effort to land the $1M contract than I would the $1,000 as long as the effort/cost/CAC isn’t too much. The same goes for people who interest you.

If you’re just looking for friends or something very casual, they are the $100 or $1000 contracts and might not have high LTVs. You might not expect much from them so you shouldn’t put a lot of effort/cost/CAC into them. However, if you find someone that you really connect with and who you think is truly special, then that person has a high LTV so you shouldn’t be afraid to increase your CAC. If you find someone you intrinsically like, you should not be afraid to give more of yourself to them because the LTV/CAC x Contribution could be worth it.

Personal Story:

Is matching enough? After I started changing my marketing strategy to online dating, I was matching more and having some conversations, but so what? I was able to go on some dates with a couple women, but didn’t really want to pursue much after that. If you’re currently online dating, you probably feel me when you might have amazing text conversations with someone, but in person, it’s completely different and not what you had hoped. So in the beginning, my conversion was to have as many conversations as possible with as many women.

Then I met someone who I thought was so amazing. She was intelligent, had a similar sense of witty/dark humor, she did MMA too and was stunning. We connected well via text/video/in-person so I saw a high LTV in her. As a result, I turned off all the apps because I wanted to give more focus and energy even if nothing happened from it. Unfortunately, nothing did happen, but at least I do not have to wonder “should I have given her more focus?”

In summary, if you value someone highly, don’t be afraid to admit that to yourself and to give a bit more of yourself.

#3 Your profile is your Landing Page so put some effort into it and have a clear CTA

In marketing, a landing page is where you bring users to understand more of your offer. It isn’t your homepage and is more specific. For instance, if Target wants to promote back-to-school items for kids in Chicago, they will most likely have a landing page that has the URL: target.com/cpskids. They wouldn’t change their entire homepage because not everyone needs to see back-to-school items and not everyone lives in Chicago. Your landing page is your first impression to a user. Your online profile is your landing page.

If your profile is your landing page, you need to make it engaging and give a clear Call-To-Actions (CTAs). In marketing, you want to give engaging content, but you do not want to give many buttons, videos, forms, etc. The rule of thumb is that the more buttons you have, the less likely someone will actually click the one button you want.

Now as dating profiles do not have buttons, your call to action can be to “message” or “swipe right”, but you have to give someone a reason. For this, provide photos and other content for your potential suitors to comment on. If your profile only consists of one profile picture without anything interesting then you make it hard for someone to hit your CTA. Instead, provide as many pictures as you can and write as much as you can about your interests to give suitors more opportunity to click your CTA.

Personal Story:

I really love Halloween. I’ve loved it ever since I was a child who loved dressing up as Batman. When I first got back into online dating, I was pretty basic. I had standard photos, wrote down some stuff about travel and food and blah, blah, blah. I knew this was so banal and not very interesting. So I double downed on what made me…me: halloween costumes, fighting, etc. Also, I have a pretty brash/ sarcastic attitude so I re-wrote my profile to reflect who I really was and…it worked. I got my “leads” of women who commented on my costumes so I later moved those up to the front and eventually got rid of the photos that didn’t get a lot of comments (like me playing guitar).

#4 Life-Cycle Funnels/ Lead times

Marketers know that not every conversion can happen right away. Sometimes the CTA is “Buy Now” and sometimes it’s “Learn More”. Sometimes sales, like candy bars, are impulse buys and can happen right away and sometimes they are big purchases where the buyer does a lot of methodical research over a long time (e.g. buying a car, buying a house, signing up for a cult).

The more investment your conversion requires, the more time it might also require. So approach it with patience. Let’s say you match and start to have a conversation, you both are discovering a bit of each other and you have to give it warm up time before asking for a number. As you move to texting, again you have to have patience before asking for a date. The point is, you have to understand the funnel and the time it takes to move someone down it.

Too often predators, especially men, treat dating like they are car salespeople. They have the mentality of “I have to close as many deals as possible as fast as possible” and for them, the conversion is sex. If that’s your objective and everyone is a consenting adult, then you do you…or each other. However, I think you need to treat dating more like a farmer than a car salesperson.

You need to be willing to nurture and grow a relationship rather than closing a deal. A person that likes a rose will pluck it to show it off, but is the cause of its death. A person that loves a rose will water it, take care of it and do what is needed for it to bloom.

So understand how much effort and time is needed and how much you’re willing to put in to nurture a relationship and to get the conversion.

Personal Story:

I was talking with a female friend about online dating. I knew that women usually get a lot more hits from men than men do from women. She also is in marketing so she was loving the idea of digital marketing for dating. Later, she told me something very odd- that the men she has talked to will ask for a picture. I didn’t understand this. I said “but they already know what you look like from your profile picture” and she said “Yeah, but they want other pictures…” and that really grossed me out and made me feel ashamed to be lumped into the same group as those scumbags because I am male. Another friend validated the same request and said it was quite common.

Anyway, I’m an individualist and if an adult wants to share pictures of themselves with whomever they want then whatever. However, those scumbag men didn’t understand the funnel. Here they matched with a gorgeous and intelligent woman, managed to have a good enough conversation with her and moved over to text, but then ruined everything by asking for “photos” without going on a date. Maybe in hindsight, it was a good call so my friend didn’t meet with these douches in person.

#5 Understand different Apps have different Audiences

This is actually the most important thing I always teach. Your audience is the crux of everything. If you understand your audience, you understand their problem, the solution they’re looking for and how to communicate with them. Too often, marketers try to force a message down someone’s throat instead of taking the time to listen and understand all the above.

Similarly, different dating apps have different audiences. While Tinder definitely has a lot of users who state “I’m not looking for a hookup” there are also a lot of people who are (e.g. those in a polyamorous ethical relationships). Also Tinder has such a wide user base that you get a plethora of diverse people.

E-Harmony is on the opposite end of the spectrum where their position is to help people find a long lasting relationship. They will do a better job of curating profiles whereas Tinder will show you quantity over quality. By understanding the different audiences of the different platforms, you can understand how to better distinguish yourself. Maybe for Tinder you can show the shirtless pic, but for E-Harmony/Coffee Meets Bagel/ Bumble, you want to highlight your education or career more.

Think about the company Van Heusen. They sell dress shirts that are fairly cheap and are usually found at Marshalls. However, that company also owns Tommy Hilfiger, which is a middle-higher brand. They understand the different audiences they need to cater to with their products.

Personal Story:

At first, I would put the same content on all dating apps. However, some apps I got matches and some I didn’t. So I did audience research. I noticed on Bumble, the women I was seeing had more (I mean no disrespect by this) “refined” careers than what I saw on Tinder. That is job titles were VPs, managers, etc whereas job titles on Tinder either weren’t listed or were sometimes more customer service oriented jobs. So I changed my profile to better match my audience.

For Bumble, my profile now read “Digital Marketing Manager” whereas for Tinder it read “Gym Owner”. All I was doing was trying to better connect with the different audiences on different apps, but it always ultimately comes down to quality conversation.

That’s it!

At the end of the day, my argument is for you to be you. Be good, be respectful and I hope these tips help you realize how to frame yourself differently in better lighting so that you can stand out and really show who you are. Best of luck to you….unless you’re a scumbag douchebag predator.